Networking for Introverts

On Jan 27, 2023

Creating a network isn’t easy for most introverts. (I know, because I’m about as introverted as it gets.) Whether you’re trying to cultivate a network of business contacts, friends, or helpers, it’s just not that easy to put yourself out there and make connections. Many people confuse introversion with shyness, but they aren’t the same. Most introverts aren’t shy, they’re simply overwhelmed by large numbers of people and too much activity. Most of the things associated with networking wear us out: Large events, parties, and schmoozing/insincerity over genuine connection are exhausting for us.

Given this, you’d think introverts can never network successfully, but that’s not true. We can cultivate great networks, but we must play to our strengths and adapt our strategies to what we personally find enjoyable. Or at least tolerable. If you’re struggling to network, here are some ideas.

Don’t try to fake extroversion

If you do nothing else, heed this piece of advice. Don’t try to be someone you are not. It never works and just ends up making you look desperate or silly. I speak from experience. I used to go to networking events and try to fit in by emulating my extroverted peers. It was awful. I laughed and talked too loud, shoved myself into conversations and meetings where I didn’t belong, and generally made a fool of myself. I wasn’t being authentic and it showed. Not once did I make a useful contact that way. Worse, I ended up hating myself because I felt like I could never fit in. Which brings me to…

Don’t drown in negativity

Know going into any event that you’re going to feel awkward and out of place. You’re also probably going to say something you’ll regret. (Or at least something that you’re going to second guess a thousand times and wonder how you could have been so stupid, even if the remark wasn’t really inappropriate.) It’s just the way it is. But beating yourself up over it isn’t going to help. You gain nothing by telling yourself that you’re stupid, awkward, unattractive, or whatever other label you want to hate yourself with. Accept that networking doesn’t come easily for you and praise yourself for trying.

Don’t drink

Some introverts try booze as a way to open up at networking events. Not a great idea. While alcohol might relax you a bit, it may also make you say regrettable things, or act in regrettable ways. This is particularly true if you don’t drink regularly and aren’t prepared for how it will affect you. You can’t escape through alcohol, so just stay sober and avoid making truly poor first impressions.

Bring or enlist a friend

Networking can be easier if you have a friend in the room. A friend can introduce you to others, bolster your confidence, and at least prevent you from hanging out in a corner by yourself. Bring a friend along with you, or pick an event that you know your friend(s) will be attending. Just don’t cling so tightly to your friend that you fail to mingle.

Set a realistic goal

Don’t go into an event with an impossible goal. Don’t say, “I’m going to collect fifty new contacts today, or make five new friends.” You might, but it’s unlikely. Set a realistic goal like, “I’m going to make two contacts from two different companies today, or meet one new person that I’d like to get to know further.” Those are achievable goals for an introvert and will leave you feeling positive about the experience.

Focus on quality not quantity of interaction

Introverts are great at forging deeper connections, but no so great at small talk and superficial interactions. Instead of just trying to rack up business cards and email addresses, try to find common interests with just one or two people. You don’t need hundreds of people in your network in order to have people who can help you. A few people who really like you and want to help you are worth more than a few hundred who barely know you.

See if you can find a contact prior to the event

If the list of attendees and presenters is released prior to the event, see if you can establish a small connection before the event. Send an email saying, “I see you’re attending XYZ event and I’m excited to meet you. I’ve admired your work in [whatever] for several years.” Hopefully you get a conversation going that you can continue at the event.

Look for the other introverts

If you can find the other introverts in the room, you’ll likely have an easier time talking to one another. Once you forge a small bond, you can help each other navigate the larger event.

Choose smaller events

Don’t pick a huge convention, especially not for your first foray into networking. Find a smaller, local event that’s less crowded and in a smaller venue. You’ll have an easier time navigating it and be less exhausted when it’s over. You’re also more likely to find opportunities to connect with people one on one at a smaller event where everyone isn’t pushing to meet the same people.

Start with panels tailored to your interests

Find an event that offers break-out panels tailored to your interests and strengths. Instead of prowling the open convention floor, get yourself into a smaller room with like-minded people. You’re more likely to find people to connect with in there.

Listening is a strength

If you’re standing with a group and they’re all talking while you’re just listening, that’s not a bad thing. Introverts are great listeners. Use it. When it’s your time to speak up, all that listening will allow you to make an insightful comment instead of just blurting out some irrelevant nonsense. At the very least, you might learn some important information that will help you later on. (That throwaway comment Jane made about her company expanding in the New Year that no one else picked up on? That might be your in.)

Connect privately with some people after the event

A lot of networking for introverts happens after the event. Take the time to connect privately with the people who made an impression on you. Offer to go out for coffee, or share some resources.

Get beyond frustrating transactional networking

Introverts get frustrated by the fact that a lot of networking devolves into, “What can you do for me?” with no thought to a continuing relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, but most introverts would rather have a connection with a person. It takes time to forge a quality relationship and to feel comfortable asking for help or offering same. This happens over time as you learn about each other and what you both bring to the table. If someone is only looking for the quick transaction, move on and find someone else.

Volunteer

Volunteering is a great way to get to know people without appearing awkward or pushy. Having a shared common goal and tasks removes most of the ick factor of superficial networking. Within your current workplace, volunteer for any committees. You’ll get to meet new people and some of them are likely to be influential. Volunteer in your area of expertise outside of work. You’ll meet people who share your interests, and you’ll probably be introduced to businesses and opportunities you never knew existed. You can also volunteer to work any networking events, as then you have a ready made excuse to get to know people. It’s not pushy to ask someone if they’re enjoying themselves or where they’re from if you’re working the event.

Don’t limit yourself to “work stuff”

You can make useful contacts at any sort of gathering, be it church, book club, rec-league sports, or game night at the local hobby store. Even introverts can find some small groups to join. You never know when the person sitting next to you at book club knows someone who can get you an in-demand interview. Just be sociable and helpful wherever you find yourself.

Networking doesn’t have to be awkward and anxiety-inducing for introverts. It can actually be fun and rewarding with the right approach and expectations. Do you have any other tips? Share them below in the comments!

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