Dear Diary, Please Help Me Fix My Financial Life

On Jun 25, 2023

I’ve kept a diary or journal since I was a kid. Over the years the entries have evolved from teenage social drama to more introspective dives into goals/dreams, life, death, philosophy, religion, and other big stuff. I’ve also thrown in some silly lists and random stuff that interests me. All of my journals have helped me process emotions and problems, and served as a form of free therapy. It’s the one place I can be completely honest and open about whatever is going on in life.

While I never set out to keep a specific financial diary, I have found that the act of writing about life has also helped me financially. Which is why I’m not going to suggest that you keep a spending diary (those usually end up more like checkbook ledgers rather than a deep dive into your relationship with money), or anything limited only to financial concerns. You can limit your entries if you want to, but I recommend keeping a diary about all of your life, including the financial aspects.

Why? Because finance trickles into every aspect of our lives. Money and our issues or feelings around it affect our relationships, housing decisions, hobbies, careers, health, and a thousand other decisions we make every day. If you keep a journal about your life, you’re probably going to uncover some financial truths without even trying. And since you’re examining all of your life, you’re going to find out how those truths underpin, undermine, and improve your decisions. Looking at finance in a vacuum only offers you one piece of the puzzle. To really figure out why you spend and save the way you do, you need to look at your whole life.

Here are some ways that your diary can help sort out your finances.

Identify spending patterns and triggers

Over time you’ll learn which emotions or situations trigger a spending binge or, conversely, a bunker mentality. Do you spend when you’re upset or really happy? When you’re embroiled in family drama? Do you have something that you just can’t resist buying whenever a new one comes out (collectibles, new small appliances, sweaters, for example)? Do you respond negatively to the news and go into siege mode, even it you don’t need to?

Figure out how you feel about your money and spending

We all have feelings around money. Sometimes we feel guilty for having more than others, or we’re ashamed of our debt. Money or lack of can cause anxiety and depression, or at least contribute to those conditions. It can also make us happy or content. Eventually you’ll figure out how money impacts your emotions.

Figure out how money impacts your relationships

This is a biggie. Money can affect relationships positively or negatively. Are you jealous of a sister who has more than you (or vice versa)? Does your spouse spend more than you, generating resentment? Are you on the same page for retirement? Is the person you’re dating so bad with money that it worries you? Are you and your siblings treating mom or dad differently based on potential inheritance? We all feel and do crazy things when it comes to money. Our relationships are already primed for jealousy, resentment, and mismatched goals. Money often makes things worse. It can also make things better when you’re on the same page.

Practice gratitude for what you have

Taking a little time during your writing to be grateful for what you have can make you feel better when times are tough. It can also curb some poor money habits when you realize that you already do have a lot in life. Even if you’re already great with money, gratitude can reinforce your behavior, and maybe even lead you to help others.

Work through heavy life stuff instead of using retail therapy

A diary or journal is a great alternative to retail therapy when you’re stressed or grieving. Shopping may make you feel better for a moment, but once the buying high wears off you’re often left with regret or shame. A journal, however, doesn’t generate those negative emotions, or the drain on your bank account. Plus, it may actually help you unpack your feelings instead of just burying them under more stuff.

Define your dreams and goals and track progress

We all have dreams and goals, but sometimes it’s difficult to articulate them. In a journal you can work through them until you have clear goals and some idea of how to reach them. You can also track your progress. While not every goal is finance-related, many are. Home ownership, career/entrepreneurship, education, marriage, kids, travel, early retirement… Most dreams and goals have a financial underpinning. Figuring out how to pay for your goals will be but one part of defining and tracking your dreams.

Work through major life decisions/transitions

Many of the major decisions we face in life that trigger anxiety and worry are finance-related, or at least have a large financial component. Buying a car or home, having kids (or not), pursuing higher education, marriage/divorce, retirement, planning our final estates, or changing jobs can all be stressful. A journal gives you a safe space to work through your feelings about these major decisions and whether or not you’re really ready for the expense and life changes involved.

Unpack family/cultural beliefs about money/status/work

We all carry cultural and familial baggage related to money. How our parents and/or culture handle money has a big influence on us. Sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse. We’re not destined to follow cultural or familial norms if we don’t want to, but sometimes you have to root out exactly how those beliefs are affecting your thought patterns before you can make changes.

Celebrate success and remind yourself that you are doing good things

Nobody likes to hear you brag about your successes, but you do need to pat yourself on the back from time to time. In a diary, you can talk about all the good things you’re doing and the improvements you’re making in all areas of life and no one will roll their eyes. A diary shouldn’t be a catalog of misery. It should also include the good things. When things are bad, you can look back and remember that things have been good before, and likely will be again.

One more note: Don’t ruin your financial epiphanies by getting carried away with journaling supplies. There are hundreds of things in the craft or stationer’s store to tempt you (pens, diaries and notebooks, stickers, special paper, bookmarks, stamps, etc.), but you don’t need any of that. While I won’t begrudge anyone a nice notebook and pen because, after all, good tools can make it more fun and likely you’ll stick with it, you can keep a wonderful journal in a spiral bound notebook or a free word processing program.

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